Shiori Darkship and the Revival Fires

The truth won't save you now.

Mel interviews Joe. Scaphoids break, Athlete decimated, monkeys battle robots.
shiori singing, Shiori singing
Watch, peons, as shewho sends questions to me with horrendous results.

1. what's the worst wrestling injury you've had? and the worst you've seen?

Happily I've only had one wrestling injury, in which I broke the scaphoid, a bone in my wrist. The injury came during a high-octane battle between Scott Grimm, who I was managing, and Edgar Stryfe. The match was getting a decent reaction, as Edgar was in his home venue and me and Scott were cheating and generally winding the crowd up. At the end, Scott was going for a forearm smash on Edgar but hit me instead. I was on the ring apron and went into the crowd from there, much to the chagrin of one audience member, who'd just sat down with some chips, which I promptly landed in. Anyway I landed on my wrist.

The worst I've seen- on TV, this is the ugliest-looking. At a show I've been to, Devilman breaking his ankle during the main event of a TXW show is the one that springs immediately to mind. At a show I've been on, one lad fell awkwardly out of the ring and broke his collarbone. This was not pleasant, obviously. Luckily, there haven't been too many other injuries I've seen first-hand, as it were.

2. coventry. do you see yourself living there forever? why/not?

As I enter my eleventh year here it does seem like I'm pretty rooted. Cat, friends, wrestling, band... However I do miss the sea and Coventry is too much of a cultural wasteland to live in forever. I don't see myself doing anything forever, really.

3. monkey vs robot. SHOW YOUR WORKING.

It depends what properties you attach to the robot. Assuming, however, that it's a robotic monkey and that the 'vs' implies a battle to the death rather than, say, a game of chess, I'd have to tip the monkey. Sure, the robot would have more stamina, but its undoing would be acting along logical algorithms and battle sequences. Monkeys do whatever the hell they like and I don't think a non-sentient machine can handle that.

4. if you could time travel where would you go and why?

I remember Money Mark once responding to this with "The recording of the song 'We Are The World'." Naturally I would travel a thousand years into the future and create a confusing time-paradox where I steal all the best ideas and make myself a millionaire, then it turns out that those ideas wouldn't have existed if I hadn't travelled forwards in time and stolen the ideas in the first place, thus meaning I was essentially stealing from myself.

If you're basically asking what my favourite historical era is, then clearly the Cretaceous Period, because dinosaurs are awesome; some time in Ancient Egypt, maybe at the time when Akhenaten tried to enforce monotheism on a polytheistic nation; the Victorian era would be handy for Space 1889 stuff; 1981 would be cool, to catch Joy Division and the Banshees live.

5. which musical artist is most likely to get you ranting about how terrible they are? *insert rant here*

Usually it depends on context and proximity. I mean, my least favourite band ever are Shed Seven, who, to me, are everything that was bad about Britpop: ugly men playing bland, bad music whose concession to experimentalism would be hiring a brass section or a Hammond organ. The worst group ever is 911, a dismal boy band from the 1990s who were, again, ugly men playing bland, safe pop which was about as risky as Imperial Leather and about as fatale as an after-dinner mint.

However, the current objects of my loathing are Athlete, an absolutely horrible indie band who cynically, like magpies, copy everyone else's style in the hope of getting the most money possible. This is a technique which worked twice: 'El Salvador', a water-thin lurch with an awful non-sung chorus, and 'Wires', a ghastly Coldplay C-side. Why are Athlete getting this kicking? Because they are the headliners of this year's Godiva Festival, a festival which has previously been headlined by Ash, Idlewild, Super Furry Animals, Mercury Rev and Six By Seven (and yes, alright, also by The Enemy and by Shed Seven themselves). None of these bands headlined the festival at their peak; this however is redundant for Athlete, a band who were never in possession of a peak. I have an old review of their album which opens "My, this is rubbish." The nicest thing I can say about them is "at least it's not The Bees".

shiori singing, Shiori singing
So, ladies and gentlemen, my second novel will be a collaboration with Andy Frankham-Allen and will be out later this year in lovely e-book format and based on the 'Space 1889' game by Frank Chadwick.

What if the planets were colonised by humans... in the Victorian era? What if those planets didn't turn out to be barren wastelands after all? That's what me and AFA will be exploring in


Andy Frankham-Allen & JT Wilson

moarCollapse )

shiori singing, Shiori singing
"I didn’t see any police myself. Probably if they’d have talked to me, I’d have been nervous and said something I regretted and ended up screaming again."


shiori singing, Shiori singing
"Only in the awkward silence that followed did I become aware of my mistake and, well, too late to back down then, wasn’t it?"

JUNE 2011


Love is what robs the eloquent of speech.
shiori singing, Shiori singing
If the Android and the iPhone had been invented in the year 2000 and if Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield had never tried to impress girls by inventing Facebook, it's possible that LiveJournal would have the same sort of world domination that Facetwit enjoys these days. It's unlikely though: LJ has pretty much given up the ghost in terms of bothering to come up with new advances to bring it in line with the 2010s and seems to have admitted defeat in the most feeble of terms. It's all about the snapshot these days, isn't it, the minutiae and the banality. Why write 2000 words in an hour when you can get more response to 150 characters every few minutes?

All of which is relevant to my LiveJournal absence of late, even despite making new LJ chums in pippaalice and mrs_leroy_brown and meeting an old one, atommickbrane, a mere month ago. Still- still!- I failed to post an update. Then, I found that the longer I went between updates, the more I had to fit in until eventually it became an insurmountable task. However, this can't last forever and I need to put something here instead of merely endless plugs for my creative endeavours, so let's see what we've got.

This features a lot of segments where I hint at stuff but refuse to divulge further for contractual/emotional reasons. There's still some interesting stuff though!Collapse )

My Need To Speak On The Subject of Crispin Glover
shiori singing, Shiori singing
Crispin Glover is one of those guys who I could never quite remember, yet a trawl through his IMDB suggests that he's, in fact, been in everything. He showed up briefly in Tim Burton's 'Alice in Wonderland', was Marty's dad in 'Back To The Future' (yet not the sequel, which caused much drama) and, although I've not seen it, was a silent villain with a hair fetish in the 'Charlie's Angels' movies.

My interest in him, however, was piqued not by his commercial efforts but by his contribution to 'Apocalypse Culture II'. In the article, he asks a series of questions about commercial Hollywood and, in particular, Steven Spielberg. "When Spielberg, clutching his Oscar, said 'this is for the seven million', did he mean the Jews, or the amount of dollars poured into his bank account?" The article is a curious way of advertising his movie 'What Is It?', which features Adam Parfrey, a Jewish author, as a black man, and the Down's Syndrome-afflicted Michael Blevis as a character without Down's.

Strange stuff, but Glover's intention to never release the movie for home viewing means it's proved impossible to see it. So when its sort-of-sequel, It Is Fine! Everything is FINE! rolled into town in Wolverhampton, hosted by Crispin himself, SB and I knew we had to go.

The show opened with Crispin reading from some of the books he's written. You can see an example of the most coherent one, 'Rat Catching', here. Illustrations from the books were projected behind him as he passionately read the virtually nonsensical plotlines from this one and many others.

After this was the film. It is Fine! Everything is FINE.Collapse )

There was a Q&A afterwards. This lasted too long, mainly because of the audience arguing over pointless aspects of the film. Glover is nothing if not accommodating, though: he happily answered any question raised and digressed on long tangents about, for example, the fact that he used his wages from 'Charlie's Angels' to make a film about a handicapped serial killer. At midnight, he'd been entertaining us for four hours and was still happy to sell books, sign autographs and the likes.

He's clearly a genius if a strange one, and the immediate impact was for me and SB to buy a load of old hardbacks and carve them up, which became such an obsession of mine that I had to leave my book at SB's so that I could do other things with my life. You'll be able to see the fruits of our labours when they get done, I guess.

Britain to become 51st State
shiori singing, Shiori singing
REUTERS- The United Kingdom is set to become the 51st State of the United States of America, it was revealed yesterday in a gruelling 17-hour press conference.

"We have to be realistic about the challenges that this Coalition government were facing," said outgoing Prime Minister David Cameron, who is set to take on a secretarial role, "namely, that we were doing a bloody useless job and nobody liked us.

"President Obama is a recognisable and popular figure who will streamline our Government from the unnecessarily vague and meaningless parliamentary monarchy system to one identifiable leader to blame if everything goes wrong."

"I've always been a Euro-sceptic," Cameron admitted, raising his voice above loud jeering, "and the idea of assimilation with Europe was something that the Conservative Party were strongly opposed to. Assimilating with America makes much more sense: we speak the same language, and we do everything they tell us to anyway."

Obama himself, meanwhile, was asked to identify the USA's reasons for absorbing the United Kingdom into its jurisdiction.

"Well, I was getting a lot of pressure from history teachers who kept saying 'Hey, Barack, where's all this history you said you'd be making?'", he joked. "Seriously though, it gives us a solid European base just in case that pesky Putin or Sarkozy try anything we don't like. Plus, I knew I'd never get my healthcare reforms through Congress. Now I can just take the notion of free healthcare offered in our newest state, and expand that to the rest of our country!"

"Naturally there'll be some changes for everyone to adjust to," said Cameron, "although happily our acquisition by the USA means that the content of television channels such as Channel 5 and MTV and the content of the UK Top 40 will be exactly the same. Britain will be acquiring the dollar, although we've ensured that the ten-dollar note will now feature King Henry VIII, and the five-dollar note will feature the likeness of William the Conqueror. 'Hey bro, can you lend us a Conqueror?' will be the word from the hoodies in the street."

"Sports fans on both sides ought to be pleased," said Obama. "I mean, let's face it, London 2012 was going to be a bust before we came over here and added some American-style razzmatazz to proceedings. And in terms of soccer- sorry, football, we'll have an improved USA football team, with Gareth Bale, Wayne Rooney and, er, some American guys in the same team. Hey, did I say football? That's right. We're gonna call football 'American rugby'. I mean, you hardly use your feet, so what's that all about?"

The move is hardly likely to appease everyone. The merger is set to outrage nationalists on both sides of the Atlantic, such as the British National Party (who immediately rebranded as the British Nationalisation Party with the slogan 'send us back where we came from') and the Tea Party (who collapsed in infighting yesterday over how to retitled themselves, given their name is a reference to the War of Independence).

Nick Clegg, the deputy prime minster, said "Look, I'm as opposed to these moves as everybody else, but you know, when you're in a Coalition certain sacrifices- like the sovereignity of the United Kingdom- have to be made. You have to pick your battles. Right now the Liberal Democrats in this coalition are involved in an exciting challenge to paint all our park benches white, so we can't be expected to oppose this move."

The Royal Family, who will remain in a ceremonial role, are yet to comment on the decision to take one of Europe's oldest countries and turn it into another state. However, the Republicans have been quicker to move. Having been shown where the United Kingdom was on a map, Republican firebrand Sarah Palin said "This sort of move is typical of the Democrats. If Inglesland really wanted a new government, the Republicans would back our regular foreign policy: invading the country under some pretext, installing a puppet government, then escaping as soon as it backfired."

Like it or not, though, the plans seem to be here to stay. Just don't expect America to be the land of opportunity for you; there's no jobs or money over there, either.

Blow me far away to the Northern Lights
shiori singing, Shiori singing
Before this holiday fades irredeemably into the annals of faded memories, I'd better say something about my week in Norway and how that worked out for us all. It goes without saying that it was a lovely, magical holiday in a beautiful landscape which was also very expensive (apparently Norweigans earn three times as much as us Brits, thus charge four times as much for everything. Hmmm). Of course, I felt like a bit of a fraud at times: I mean, a holiday in which I went on a cruise and ate lobster and caviar? Well, that's the kind of thing that happens to other people, isn't it?

Warning: this is really, really long. If you dare, here's all the information.

I felt the darkness of the black metal bands.Collapse )

But being such a faun of a man, I didn't burn down any old churches.Collapse )

Survey satellites looking at youCollapse )

I'm understanding, but I'm afraid it's much too lateCollapse )

More writing tomorrow if I can find time, featuring this time the details of Crispin Glover's Big Slide Show and 'It Is Fine! Everything is FINE.'.

Personnel shift
Eternal Sunshine: ___littlehope
Man, things are busy right now and my manifold writing projects are on the back-burner while I attend to my writing project from last year, the beloved novel 'Cemetery Drive'. I've been working on some new stuff to show off at the signing (which is this Saturday at Coventry Waterstones, dudes), which has re-ignited my love for the characters and the story, and hey, it's better than working down a mine- but it's tiring stuff when you're holding down a job and researching another too.

Anyway, one of the things that's slumped to the back burner is this glorious LiveJournal, which should, by now, have a lengthy discussion of my adventures in Norway with the Northern Lights, the huskies, the stockfish and all. It should also have a review of 'It is Fine! Everything is Fine!', Crispin Glover's movie. Bear with me and all will be revealed dear friends.

As there's no smooth transition and just for further reference, permit me to introduce some new characters to this, Shiori Darkship and the Revival Fires. Yay! Wave in the new guys! Complain about how you preferred the old cast, or something! The show's been going downhill since the sixth season anyway!:

itew is my new housemate, who you can call Inigo. As you can tell from his profile, Inigo is a writer, theatrical type and general artist. We met through mutual friends in July last year, and he moved into this glorious building in January. So far, due to commitments elsewhere, we've barely been around each other, but this does at least prevent arguments about who gets to use the lone Internet connection in the house, washing-up and other dreary activities. Inigo did have a birthday/housewarming party with a Rocky Horror theme which, despite its short notice, was actually pretty well-attended and A Fun Time was had by all.

safetobreathe is- da da da- my girlfriend, who is also called Sarah-Beth. Sarah-Beth is a knitter, someone who sews (I typed 'sewer' before I realised the error) and a sometime zine writer. We met through OKCupid, of all places, thus completing my hypocritical transition from someone wary of dating sites to someone who's met a partner on it. My time with Sarah-Beth so far has included a lot of art exhibitions (of variable quality), watching films, chatting toss about music and killing zombies. It's going great, although I have now doomed it to failure by writing about it. She announced it first though, so blame her.

Anyway, expect this pair to feature more in future appearances.

Idiots breed with idiots to produce more idiots.
shiori singing, Shiori singing
Two very long film reviews.

Confessions (Kokuhaku) and Black SwanCollapse )


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